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Many people have never been through a divorce before. Unless you’re a divorce lawyer, you probably don’t know all the potential potholes and pitfalls you could encounter or the mistakes you might make along the way.

Hi, everyone! I’m A.J. Grossman, CEO and Managing Attorney with Leap Frog Divorce. My entire legal career has been dedicated to helping people with divorce and paternity cases. At Leap Frog Divorce, we do divorce better.

Ready to learn the top five mistakes to avoid during a divorce? Let’s get started!

1. Refusing to Compromise and Negotiate

Some people view divorce as a business deal. It involves dividing assets and debts, distributing property, and determining issues such as spousal support and child support.

While I believe divorce is about much more than a business transaction, many of the decisions involve dollars and cents. Ultimately, the goal is to reach an agreement that both spouses can live with.

That’s why being willing to compromise and negotiate is so important.

Make sure you hire a divorce lawyer who is a competent, if not outstanding, negotiator. Believe me when I say that not every aggressive lawyer knows how to negotiate effectively. Pounding on a table or storming out of a negotiation are not effective negotiation techniques.

Successful negotiation requires strategy, preparation, and an understanding of which issues matter most. Being willing to compromise where appropriate can help you work toward a resolution without unnecessary conflict.

2. Failing to Consider and Plan for the Future

I often explain that divorce transforms one family structure into another. Inevitably, your family’s future will look different from the way things look today.

That’s why planning ahead is essential.

For example, after a divorce, one or both spouses may need to find new health, dental, and vision insurance coverage. One or both may also need to find a new place to live.

In my experience, I often see one spouse managing most or all of the family’s finances while the other has limited experience with budgeting and financial management.

If that’s your situation, start learning about your finances as early as possible. Understand your income, expenses, debts, and financial obligations. Create a budget that reflects what your life may look like after divorce.

The earlier you begin planning, the better prepared you may be to make informed decisions about your future.

3. Trying to Handle Your Divorce Without Legal Help

For some people, handling a divorce without an attorney may be an option. For example, a relatively straightforward case with no assets, debts, children, or need for spousal support may involve fewer complications.

For everyone else, divorce law can be complex.

You can’t learn everything you need to know from a quick Google search. Decisions about property division, support, parenting arrangements, and legal procedures can have lasting consequences.

Investing in an experienced divorce attorney with a strong reputation may help you avoid costly mistakes and better understand your rights and responsibilities.

Before deciding to represent yourself, take the time to understand the legal and financial issues involved in your particular situation.

4. Withholding Children From the Other Parent Without a Valid Safety Concern

Unless the other parent’s behavior, actions, or lifestyle have harmed the children or created a serious safety concern, cutting off that parent’s relationship with the children can create significant problems.

Courts generally focus on the children’s best interests when making parenting decisions. Unjustifiably interfering with the other parent’s time with the children can undermine your position in a family law case.

I’ve been in a courtroom and heard a judge challenge a parent’s claim that their actions demonstrated good parenting. That illustrates how seriously courts may view conduct that interferes with a child’s relationship with the other parent.

Of course, safety matters. If the other parent engages in behavior that places the children at risk, protective measures may be appropriate. Depending on the circumstances, it may be necessary to seek court intervention or restrictions on contact.

If you believe your children are in danger, speak with your attorney promptly about the appropriate steps to protect them. Avoid making unilateral decisions about parenting time without legal guidance unless immediate action is necessary to protect the children from danger.

5. Taking Legal Advice From People Other Than Your Attorney

Throughout my career, I’ve seen this mistake happen time and time again.

It often sounds something like this:

“My brother is a criminal lawyer in another state, and he told me I should be able to get everything I want.”

Or:

“My friend got divorced in another state, and he says my spouse is engaging in parental alienation. I need you to pursue that claim.”

The problem is that every divorce is different. Laws vary by jurisdiction, and the facts of your case may be very different from the facts of someone else’s case.

Advice from friends, family members, coworkers, or online searches may not apply to your situation, even when the person offering it has good intentions or legal experience in another area.

Your divorce attorney can evaluate the facts of your case, explain the relevant law, and help you determine which issues deserve attention.

It’s fine to seek support and hear other people’s experiences, but don’t treat their opinions as legal advice for your case. Discuss your concerns and questions directly with your attorney before making important decisions.

Avoid These Common Divorce Mistakes

Divorce can be challenging, but being prepared can help you navigate the process more effectively. Be willing to negotiate, plan for your financial future, understand when you need professional guidance, prioritize your children’s well-being, and rely on your attorney for legal advice tailored to your situation.

I hope you found this information helpful. If you have questions or need help, please give me a call or send me an email. I’d be happy to help.

Have a wonderful day!